Sunday, July 5, 2015

Martin's Raisin Roundies

Martin Prince Jr. is Springfield Elementary's resident genius, narc, and all around teacher's pet.
He also represented Finland in the mock United Nations (not NOW Martin!!).

He's pretty condescending towards his fellow classmates:

But he did rescue Bart from getting beaten up, by welcoming him into the refuge of the damned.
And apparently, he enjoys baking, as evidenced in the 19th episode of season 5, "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song." When Bart can't find anything interesting to bring to Show and Tell, he grabs something with four legs and ticks. No, it's not a walking clock, it's his dog, Santa's Little Helper.
Everyone is immediately charmed by Santa's Little Helper, and Mrs.Krabappel even gives him the cookies Martin made for her.

After Martin demands that the geode he brought in for Show and Tell be acknowledged, Bart puts Santa's Little Helper in the coat room.

While hanging out in the coat room, Santa's Little Helper smells what Lunch Lady Doris is cooking (assorted horse parts, now with more testicles), and climbs into the vents. This leads to Principal Skinner getting the hiccups, and then fired. Bart and Skinner form an unlikely alliance until Bart helps him get his job back, and everyone is back to where they started, ready for another wacky adventure!

Now you too can make your own batch of Raisin Roundies!

Martin's Raisin Roundies

Makes about 24 cookies

No-So-Secret Ingredients:

  • 1 cup rum
  • 2 cups raisins
  • 2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
  • 1 3/4 cup sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
  • 1/2 cup chopped walnuts (optional)

Real-Life Instructions:
  1. In a small saucepan, combine rum and raisins. Heat on medium heat until boiling.
  2. Cook for 3 minutes. Remove from heat and allow to cool for about 20 minutes.
  3. Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper and set aside.
  4. In a small bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Set aside.
  5. In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat butter and sugar together until light and fluffy.
  6. Add eggs and vanilla, and continue to beat.
  7. Add the flour mixture in 3 parts, beating until just combined.
  8. Using a rubber spatula, fold in walnuts and raisins.
  9. Drop about a Tablespoon of batter onto prepared baking sheets, 2 inches apart.
  10. Bake for 12-14 minutes, or until golden brown.
  11. Place on a wire racks to cool completely.
  12. Eat them yourself, or feed to a cute doggy that thinks it's people.

This is a Lisa Friendly recipe!

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Dr.Hibbert's "Wowwipops"

Dr. Julius Hibbert is the most trusted doctor in Springfield.  He graduated from Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, instead of Hollywood Upstairs Medical College like Dr.Nick.
He's had many trendy hairstyles over the years, and his life parallels Dr. Cliff Huxtable's in many ways, including a crop of kids and a love of loud sweaters.

"Not that I'm angry, but how did you get my home number?"

He's been with The Simpsons since the day he found out the reason why Marge was throwing up every morning.

"If I didn't know better, I'd swear he was trying to moon us."

He's a Stonecutter, a member of the Republican party, he's in Mensa, and he may or may not be practicing medicine without a license. But he's mostly known for handing out "Wowwipops," and laughing at inappropriate times.

Lisa: “Before I go to camp, I’ll need boosters for malaria, German measles, encephalitis, Hansen’s disease...”
Dr.Hibbert: “Oh, now I’m afraid what we have here is an advanced case of hypochondria.  There’s only one known cure: a Wowwipop.”  
Lisa: “Don’t patronize me, Doctor.”

Here are a few of my favorite Dr. Hibbert moments:
"You have 24 hours to live. Well... 22, sorry I kept you waiting so long."
"Oh, I thought they were playing The Rocky Horror Picture Show tonight! 
"Remember your Hippopotamus oath!"
He has 2 long lost brothers: Bleeding Gums Murphy, and the adoption agent that helps Homer find Herb.

Dr.Hibbert is one of the best recurring minor characters, and he's always been there for the Simpsons when they needed him most. Now with this recipe, you can make your own Wowwipops, to hand out while laughing inappropriately.

Dr. Hibbert's Wowwipops

Makes 6

Not-So-Secret Ingredients:

  • Lollipop mold
  • Lollipop sticks
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1/2 cup light corn syrup
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons extract of your choice (raspberry, cherry, vanilla, coconut, banana, etc.)
  • Food coloring

Real Life Instructions:

  1. Prepare your molds by spraying them with non-stick cooking spray and placing the lollipop sticks into the molds.
  2. In a medium-sized saucepan, combine the sugar, corn syrup, and water and place over medium-high heat.
  3. Stir until the sugar dissolves, then brush down the sides of the pan with a wet pastry brush.
  4. Once the mixture starts boiling, insert a candy thermometer.
  5. Allow to boil, without stirring, until candy reaches 225 degrees Fahrenheit, or when the mixture starts to look a little golden.
  6. Remove from heat and allow mixture to sit until it stops bubbling.
  7. Stir in the extract of your choice, and a couple of drips of food coloring (it will bubble up, so be careful).
  8. Carefully pour or spoon the mixture into the mold cavities, making sure to cover the back of the stick.
  9. Allow to cool completely, and remove once hardened.
  10. You can wrap them by placing in a clear treat bag or ziplock bag without the zipper, and then tie a ribbon around the bottom. Wilton sells kits you can use.
  11. Store Lollipops individually wrapped, in an airtight container at room temperature, for up to a month.
  12. Have a Wowwipop.
This recipe is Lisa Friendly.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Marge's Homemade Pepsi

The first episode of my last beloved season of The Simpsons (Season 10), is kind of ridiculous. However, it has that signature Simpson "heart-warmy-ness," that ties everything together at the end.
Lard of the Dance begins when a new girl named Alex Whitney (voiced by Lisa Kudrow) arrives at Springfield Elementary. Lisa accepts the thankless task of showing her around. Alex acts very grown up with her perfume, cell phone, and iced tea. Instead of organizing the annual Apple Pick, Lisa takes Alex's advice and organizes a school dance instead.

Your name's Lisa? Shut up, I love that name!
Then when she can't get a date for the dance, Lisa decides to stay home. That's when Marge comes in with 2 gallons of Homemade Pepsi for Lisa to take to the dance. "It's a little thick, but the price is right!"
When Marge suggests they have their own dance right there instead, Lisa decides to go to the dance after all. That's when she sees that most kids aren't as grown up as Alex. She professes that she's glad they've got 9, 10 years tops to giggle in church, chew with their mouths open, and go days without bathing! Lesson: Embrace your formative years.
Then due to Homer and Bart's antics, snowflakes of grease start falling from the vents, and all the kids have a grease "snowball" fight.

I'll admit that Marge isn't my favorite Simpson (Maggie holds that title), but I do love all her Mom moments. My favorites include "Well if loving my kids is lame, then I guess I'm just a big lame," "Park your keister, meister!" and "How about we play the basketball? I'm no Harvey Globetrotter, but... Watch out for the Shaq attack!"

This recipe for homemade Pepsi is the first of a few Marge recipes I have lined up. It's easy to make, once you've gathered all the ingredients. More than a few are kind of weird, so I've included links to where you can easily buy them.
Feel free to experiment with the ratios of syrup, caramel coloring, and club soda. If you like your Pepsi thick, just use more syrup and less club soda.

Marge's Homemade Pepsi

Makes about a 1/2 gallon

Not-So-Secret Ingredients:

For the caramel color:
  • 6 Tablespoons sugar
  • 2 Tablespoons water
  • 1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
  • 1/2 cup water, boiling

For the cola syrup:
  • 2 cups sugar
  • 2 cups water
  • 2 Tablespoons brown sugar
  • Zest of 1 large orange
  • Zest of 1 lime
  • Zest of 1 lemon
  • 1 teaspoon coriander
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons culinary lavender
  • 1 whole star anise (with at least 5 sections)
  • 1 Tablespoon vanilla bean paste
  • 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1 teaspoon grated ginger
  • 1/4 teaspoon citric acid
  • 2 liters Club Soda

Real-Life Instructions:

  1. Make the caramel coloring first: In a small saucepan, mix together sugar and water over low heat. Stir until the sugar dissolves.
  2. Increase heat to medium-high, and bring to a boil for 2 minutes.
  3. Add cream of tartar, and continue to boil until the mixture becomes very dark, about 5 minutes more.
  4. Remove from heat and allow to cool for 10 minutes.
  5. Add boiling water, a little at a time, stirring until the caramelized sugar is completely dissolved.
  6. Set aside, and allow to cool completely.
  7. To make the cola syrup: Place all ingredients (except the club soda) in a large saucepan, and bring to a boil over medium-high heat.
  8. Reduce heat, and allow to simmer for 20 minutes.
  9. Line a sieve with 2 layers of cheesecloth, or a coffee filter.
  10. Pour the mixture through the cheesecloth (or coffee filter)-lined sieve, and strain out the solids.
  11. Gather the corners of the cheesecloth (or coffee filter), and squeeze out any extra liquid from the solids. Be careful, it's hot!
  12. Allow to cool completely.
  13. In a glass filled with ice, add 4oz cola syrup, 2 Tablespoons caramel coloring, and 8oz of club soda.
  14. Every Simpson dance now! 
This is a Lisa -Friendly recipe

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Homer's Patented Space-Age Out Of This World Moon Waffle

"Homer the Heretic" (season 4, episode 3) is indeed a classic episode.
On an especially cold Sunday morning, Homer is reluctant to go with his family to church. Ripping his stupid itchy church pants is the final straw, and he declares he's staying home.
Marge tells Bart that Homer isn't going to church with them because he's "resting." "Resting" hung-over, "resting" got fired... Marge doesn't clarify.

Having the house to himself, Homer then proceeds to have the greatest morning ever. He whizzes with the door open, sings in the shower, cusses, dances in his underwear to "Short Shorts," wins a radio call-in contest, watches some Three Stooges, and an unscheduled football game, finds a penny, and makes his Patented Space-Age Out of this World Moon Waffle.

He now has a new reigning champion as official best day of his life, and he owes it all to skipping church!
He then gives up his faith.
After Marge prays for him, he has a dream in which he meets God. This is special because he usually dreams about naked... Marge.
Yes, God has 5 fingers.
After a discussion with God, Homer decides to just live right and worship God in his own way. He calls in to work due to the feast of Maximum Occupancy, and thwarts all of the Flanders' attempts to welcome him back into the flock.

The next Sunday, Homer falls asleep with a cigar in his mouth, and sets the house on fire. After forgetting the words to the fire safety song, he passes out amongst the flames. Luckily Ned Flanders is there to save him. It's one of my favorite Flanders moments:

Why Ned wasn't in church, I'll never know.
After Homer regains consciousness, and realizes that God was working in the hearts of his friends and family that saved him, he decides to give church another try. Daaaaawww.

This recipe is for Homer's Patented Space-Age Out of this World Moon Waffle. Despite the gluttonous gross factor of liquid smoke and an entire stick of butter, I got a lot of requests for this recipe. The liquid smoke was actually kind of nice with the caramels- I'm serious! Just don't use too much, it is a little over-powering with it's "woodsy" flavor. Also, I did have almost as hard a time cleaning my waffle iron as Marge did. The only change to Homer's original recipe that I suggest is to put the waffle batter on the waffle iron first, then the caramels. And of course feel free to use less butter.

Homer's Patented Space-Age Out of This World Moon Waffle
 Makes 1

Not-So-Secret Ingredients:

Real Life Instructions:

  1. Heat waffle iron, then spray both sides with lots of non-stick cooking spray.
  2. Add amount of water listed in the instructions to pancake/waffle mix, and shake.
  3. Pour batter onto the iron.
  4. Top with caramels, and a few dashes of liquid smoke.
  5. Close lid of the waffle maker, and use your finger to enjoy the run-off.
  6. When your waffle is done, wrap it around an entire stick of butter, and skewer it with a toothpick. 
  7. If any drops onto your naked chest, just have a dog lick it off. Mmmm... Fattening.

This recipe is Lisa Friendly.

    Sunday, June 8, 2014

    Steamed Hams

    22 Short Films About Springfield is a pretty unique episode from Season 7 (episode 21 to be exact). It showcases the everyday stories of several residents of Springfield.
    The idea for the episode was inspired by the short clip at the end of  "The Front" (season 4 episode 19). It's entitled "The Adventures of Ned Flanders." They really only added it because the episode was too short.
    The theme song goes:

    Hens love roosters, geese love ganders, everyone else loves Ned Flanders! 
    (Homer): Not me! 
    Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!

    So all the writers wrote down their 3 favorite characters, and they wrote little stories for each one. Honestly, there aren't even close to 22 stories, but the characters who are featured include Apu, Lisa, Smithers, Mr.Burns, Dr.Nick Riviera, Moe, Homer, Maggie, Chief Wiggum, Bumble Bee Man, Snake, Flanders, Rev. Lovejoy, Cletus, Comic Book Guy, and Nelson. Marge, Lionel Hutz, and Krusty's stories were cut.
    My favorite of all the featured stories is Principal Skinner and Super Nintendo Chalmers. Skinner invites Chalmers over for an unforgettable luncheon. When Skinner burns the roast, rather than fess up, he climbs out his kitchen window, buys fast food from Krusty Burger, and disguises it as his own cooking. Chalmers walks into the kitchen and questions why there is so much smoke coming from the oven. "That's not smoke!" says Skinner. "It's steam, from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm! Steamed clams!"
    Then when Skinner walks into the dining room with a tray full of mouthwatering hamburgers, Chalmers questions what happened to the steamed clams. "Oh no! I said 'Steamed Hams!'" explains Skinner, because that's what he calls hamburgers. It's a regional dialect. What region? Upstate New York.
    Chalmers is from Utica and he's never heard the term, but that's because it's strictly an Albany expression.

    The burning roast then causes Skinner's entire kitchen to catch on fire. When Chalmers sees the flames, Skinner explains it's the Aurora Borealis. At this time of year. At this time of day. In this part of the country. Localized entirely within his kitchen. And no, Chalmers can't see it.

    I guess technically this recipe should just involve sneaking out of a window, buying hamburgers at McDonald's, and telling people they're your own patented recipe, but I think it's more fun to make the burgers yourself. I'm not going for anything real gourmet here, but they should be obviously grilled, despite the fact they're called Steamed Hams.

    Steamed Hams

    Makes 2

    No-So-Secret Ingredients:

    For the "Secret Sauce:"
    • 2 Tablespoons mayonnaise
    • 1 Tablespoon ketchup or catsup
    • 1/2 Tablespoon sweet pickle relish

      For the burger:
      • 1/2 lb ground beef
      • 2 dashes liquid smoke
      • 3 dashes Worcestershire
      • Salt
      • Pepper
      • 2 Hamburger buns
      • vegetable oil
      • Mustard
      • 2 slices cheddar cheese
      • 2 Pieces of Lettuce
      • 2 Slices of tomato
      • 6 sliced pickles
      • 2 Tablespoons diced onions
      • squirt of ketchup
      • squirt of mustard
      • 2 orders large french fries

      Real Life Instructions:

      1. In a small bowl, stir together mayonnaise, ketchup, and relish. Set aside.
      2. Heat up a grill or grill pan on medium-high.
      3. In a medium-sized bowl, mix ground beef with liquid smoke, Worcestershire, a sprinkle of salt and a sprinkle of pepper.
      4. Divide into 2 equal portions.
      5. Roll each portion into a ball and shape into a patty using a hamburger press. Or you can just put the meat between two pieces of wax paper, and shape it using the heel of your hand. Set aside.
      6. Toast your buns face-down on the grill, or in the dry pan for about a minute.
      7. Remove the buns, and spread each bun with a healthy amount of the mayonnaise mixture.
      8. Lightly brush the grill with vegetable oil.
      9. Place the patties on the grill, and brush the top of each with mustard.
      10. Grill your patties for about 5 minutes.
      11. Flip them over (mustard-side down), and grill for another 3 minutes,.
      12. Top each patty with a slice of cheese during the last minute on the grill.
      13. Place each cooked patty (cheese-side up) on top of the bottom bun.
      14. Top each with a slice of lettuce, and a slice of tomato.
      15. Add pickles, diced onions, ketchup, more mustard, and the top bun.
      16. Serve on a bed of fries and/or lies.
      17. Enjoy while witnessing the Northern Lights.

        This recipe is NOT Lisa Friendly